Santa Needs Cookies, Marketers Don’t

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Stirista
December 21, 2021
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    The holidays can be stressful. We’re all well aware of that. And now, maybe more than ever? It seems that with so many people working & schooling from home this past year, many gift recipients are being tipped off to the gifts they’re yet-to-receive because they’re being served ads based on the browsing history of those sharing their home networks. That can be such a bummer! 

    So we thought we might reimagine a classic holiday poem, because what good is public domain literature if you can’t exploit it in the best ways possible?

    Twas the night before Cyber Monday, when all through the house
    Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
    Except for mother and father up on their phone

    Buying their loved ones something new to own
    The children were snuggled in bed, comfy indeed
    While visions of sugar plums danced on their Youtube feeds
    When clock struck twelve and the gifts were got
    Mother and father laid down to sleep calmly, but alas they were not!
    For right down the hall arose a shriek and a clatter
    So mother and father went to see what was the matter
    Only to see poor little Cindy Lou, who, with eyes puffy and red
    Was softly crying with her tablet thrown at the end of her bed
    Upon her screen was an ad and a notification 

    For the brand new toy horse she had talked about on vacation
    Seeing how their little surprise had been spoiled
    Mother and father went back online and toiled
    “How could they ruin our Christmas mystery with such information?”
    Of course there could be only one explanation
    On Ghostery! Off Cookies! On VPN!
    Now is the time for those targeted ads to end!
    A bundle of boxes thrown on the step
    Unknown to Cindy Lou, thanks to the prep
    Wrapped up and neatly placed under the tree
    Only one set of cookies left out for free
    And on the night before Christmas, as they all fell asleep
    Everything was peaceful and quiet, not even a peep.
    Until little Cindy Lou murmured something so slight
    “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night”